To the Pastor’s Wife on Helping Singles

Can I be honest with you? Sometimes it is hard as an unmarried woman to be a part of the church. (I am pretty sure that is similar for unmarried men, too.) People have assumptions and expectations that are sometimes, frankly, ignorant and unbiblical.

A couple of years ago, I had the opportunity to meet with about 150 women who were a part of a training program for the pastor’s wife. You can listen to the session here. After I spoke, we have small group discussion, and you can find the questions below. Maybe this will be helpful to your own thinking about singles and the church.

The Church needs each of us–and we need the Church. How can we better care for the whole family of God?

Discussion Questions:

  • In what ways are single women integrated into or excluded from the life of the church?
  • In what ways might single women feel unwelcome in your church?
  • Do you have single friends?
  • When was the last time you reached out to a single person in your church?
  • What is hard for you when you think about reaching out to single women?
  • From your own days of being single, what was encouraging to your walk as a believer?
  • What was some ways that you can pray for singles in your congregation?


  1. […] I shared with a group of pastors’ wives recently how challenging it can be for singles in the church because of some of your assumptions. A frequent conversation goes like this, “Hi, my name is ‘Lisa’.” “Hi Lisa, I’m Rebecca. What does your husband do?” There is absolutely nothing that I can say to Rebecca that doesn’t bring the conversation to a halt. Her assumption leaves us both fumbling. […]


  2. What a refreshing post. You shined the light on single women in the church. Thank you for using words seasoned with grace to show that we matter.


  3. Lisa,

    Just a note of encouragement. Your messages fall on listening ears every day.

    I truly appreciate and enjoy your email and blogs. Your ministry touches so many and I count it a blessing to be among those you touch.

    May God continue to bless you as His vessel to communicate through this important medium.

    Together in Christ, Rob

    Rob Humphrey


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